Wednesday, September 23, 2009

What not to do during a book discussion (2)

The book club that I'm a member of, Flips Flipping Pages, will again be having its monthly book discussion. They'll be talking about Patrick Suskind's novel, Perfume, a book that reeks of brilliance (pun intended). Unfortunately, I'm swamped with tons of work so I can't join them.

Previously, I made a list of things one shouldn't do during a book discussion. Check the post here, and don't forget to read the hilarious comments, too. I figured I might as well add on to the list. So here goes:
  1. Bring a bottle of vodka, and take a swig every time someone says, "In my opinion, the book... " (You'll get pretty much wasted in no time.)
  2. Say that you've read Perfume in its original language -- Italian!
  3. Bring a camera and take pictures of the participants in their unguarded moments (e.g., sleeping, picking their noses, yawning).
  4. Post these pictures in Facebook and tag all your friends.
  5. Play footsie with the resident hottie.
  6. Arrive only when they're eating.
  7. Tell everyone that you didn't read the book. Say, "After finishing Ulysses and War and Peace, having to read Perfume just feels insulting."
  8. Point out that you've been diagnosed with A(H1N1) just this morning.
  9. Volunteer to take the minutes, then pretend that you're actually taking them down.
  10. Fart.
Any other ideas, dear reader?


gege said...

In this particular discussion, where olfactory elements take center stage, no. 10 might actually be appropriate and might even add surprising depth to the discussion.

Of course, my absence from the meeting gives me courage to suggest this.

Peter S. said...

Hello, Gege! LOL! I'll be absent from the discussion myself. Hopefully, someone else would do #10.

sumthinblue said...

at #6-- But we’re always eating!!!!

Peter S. said...

I noticed that, Blooey. Perhaps for The Hunger Games discussion, we won't eat for a change.

Mike said...

Peter, I think Perfume was originally written in German.

Funny post!

mental wayfarer said...

I don't see anything wrong with #1... it'll make for a more animated discussion.:P

Vivienne said...

Peter, you are just so funny.

Peter S. said...

@Mike: I know! Hehehe. Sometimes, people like to pretend things.

@mental wayfarer: Let's have one of those sessions soon.

@Viviene: Thanks!

David Wagner said...

excellent post, great advice. Although, I'm a fan of #10 in just about any social situation... I'm addicted to the power it brings to control any discussion... it doesn't matter what is being discussed, or by whom... it all stopped when a nice, ripe #10 is performed. The power!!! MUAHAHAHAH!!!!

Peter S. said...

Hello, David! Thanks! It does grab everyone attention.

mel u said...

If somebody asks about "Madame Bovary"-say you saw her ad on Craig's List last week

say "ok who thinks Print Is Dead"

when "Hunger" is mentioned-say "yeah some what why don't we order from KFC?"

When some body mentions a new Banana Yoshimoto they just got say "yeah Yoshimoto motors makes good quality motor bikes for girls".

when some tells you they are working on "Middlemarch"-say what are you talking about this is middle september?

Charlie said...

I would make a terrible candidate for a book club; not only because of #1 (even without the vodka). but because I snore too loudly.

Peter said...

@Mel: You have the craziest ideas! I was wondering, have you done any of these?

@Charlie: LOL!

Anonymous said...

No. 7 is sure to stop everything cold. Everyone pretends to be an intellectual so you'll get no arguments here. -- LOL! Then you can go on to the food (the whole point of the meeting!)

Peter, you really crack me up with these posts.

Peter said...

Hi, Jo! Thanks for dropping by again. We can't wait for the time that you'll be joining us soon!

Ceri said...

Hehe, I love it! These brightened up my day. :-D

Peter S. said...

Hi, Ceri! You're welcome.