Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What not to do during a book discussion

This Saturday, I'll be again attending a book discussion for the Flips Flipping Pages Book Club. The book club meets every month, and for this month, the theme is health and fitness. So, we're going to talk about books that go hand in hand with the theme.

The members of FFP are a fun-loving lot. They kid around, throw jokes at one another, and even make a few self-deprecating remarks every now and then. But when it came to the book discussion, when each member was talking about his or her favorite Seuss book, everyone became serious.

Since this would be my second time to join them, I've come up with a few things that one should NOT do during a book discussion. (I have been known to do some of these things though.)

  1. Yawn loudly while someone is saying a sad anecdote.
  2. Say, "I read that. You got it completely wrong."
  3. Fart.
  4. Interrupt the discussion by asking, "When do we eat?"
  5. Sleep.
  6. Arrive ridiculously late. Help yourself to the swag. Then leave.
  7. Fart some more.
  8. Trim nails. If time permits, buff them.
  9. Pick nose. Then fart.
  10. Take out iPod and listen to the Jonas Brothers.
  11. Say that Twilight beats Harry Potter in all aspects.
  12. Mention that you haven't read any of the books because you're finishing, umm, Ulyssees.
  13. Point out that you only read self-help books.
  14. Flirt with the resident hot chick or dude (or both).
  15. Tell members to suck it and just go see the movie.


rise said...


May I add:
16. Fart++.

Jam said...

lol...shelfari group. I'm part of it as well, although I can't really go to the book discussions since I'm living in Iloilo.

gege said...

hi, peter. got the Seussical CD from sheila. thank you very much!

Peter S. said...

@Rise: Hehehe. Remind me not to eat beans before Saturday.

@Jam: Awww... I'm sure Blooey will blog about it.

@Gege: You're very much welcome!

Anonymous said...

Ha, ha, ha! Peter, you are funny! :D Will keep all these in mind should I ever get the chance to attend one of those meetings when I'm in Manila.

Peter S. said...

Hi Jo! I've always thought you were based here in Manila.

Jaime said...

I would say that farting would liven up the group and get everybody all excited and giggly and stuff. Makes for good conversation during any book club. LOL.

Charlie said...

Your list has done me a public service: I was not aware that you cannot do any of those things at a book discussion. It almost sounds like school.

Just to be safe and for future reference, I've written them all down.

Funny stuff.

line of flight said...


Diane said...

This was so funny. I think I'm guilty of at least (1) LOL

Peter S. said...

@Jaime: Yes, that would certainly liven things up a lot!

@Charlie: I can think of more things NOT to do in a book discussion. Hehehe.

@Line of flight: Hihihi.

@Diane: I'm guilty of at least 4.

Sheila said...

Hmmmm.... really good advice....


My book club will benefit from this list.

Peter S. said...

@Sheila: Thanks! I'm sure you can think of so many other things NOT to do in your book club.

mel said...

Bring with you a politician running for office and solicit the group for donations for them

bring your lap top and look at x rated videos complete with your personal side effects-

have jolibee make a delivery to you during the meeting and get into big argument over whether you were shorted on fries or not

during a discussion on Tolstoy say "A well educated person, like myself, can read War and Peace in the original language, Italian

Peter S. said...

@Mel: Hahaha! I love the bit about Tolstoy!

mel said...

say you have a standing order with to send you all new novels with a 4 star or above rating-to be directly charged to your hyper wealthy family's business account

ask if dogs are allowed in the meeting and when they say no pretend your chiguagua dog is one of those dogs for the hearing impaired by screaming out all your remarks

when you cell phone rings during the meeting say in a stage whisper type voice "You were right, nothing but nerds at these book club meetings"

mel said...

during a meeting about a book on the place of women in the corporate world say "I would like to hear from the girl up front, the one in the tight dress"

yell out "hey I just got a text from J K Rowling-she wants me to cowrite Harry Potter 8"

mel said...

as the meeting breaks up say "who wants to go back to my place
for a group reading of THE FAERIE QUEEN?"

say Banana Yoshimoto came up with her nickname after a date with you

If any body asks you if you know about "The Book Thief" say "I think it might be this guy next to me he looks like a crook"

Marie said...

Love it! I think I did about a third of your list though. Lol! :P

Alexia561 said...

Too funny! Loved your whole list! :)

Ryan G said...

Is there really ever an appropriate time to listen to the Jonas Brothers

sumthinblue said...


@Jam: Yes, I will blog about it.

Hear, hear to this post, especially #14 :) Haha, #4 will never happen at an FFP discussion because we eat. All the time.

A few more:
Don't monopolize the discussion when you haven't read the book

and Don't moderate a discussion if all you read was Spark Notes!


Peter S. said...

@Mel: I can't help but laugh at your crazy ideas!

@Marie: Thanks for dropping by!

@Alexia: Hehe. Thanks!

@Ryan G: Yes, there is! I can name a few situations.

@Blooey: Can't wait for your blog post!

Patrick said...

This is too funny! I've never been into a book discussion but do some people actually do these stuff in a meeting?! Unbelievable!

Peter S. said...

Hi Patrick. Well, if they do, I'm sure they won't admit it.

mel said...

Start a discussion on 19th century French novels by saying you dont think it was right for Mr Bovary to cheat on his wife

after seeing the movie "The Time Traveler's Wife" say, hey that is not a bad idea for a book

Ask if Roberto Bolano's 2666 is set in the 27th century

real nice meeting you Peter

Peter S. said...

Hello, Mel! Hahaha. You really have crazy ideas!

Nice meeting you too, Mel. I've been looking for a hardback of 2666 for the longest time and, thanks to you, I finally have one!

mel said...

When somebody mentions Haruki Murakami say "I heard he was best Shushi chef in Osaka"

When the conversation turns to "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", say "my cousin got a hunchback from working too long at a call center"

Peter S. said...

You really come up with out-of-this-world ideas, Mel!

Miss F said...

glad u didnt do any of the items during the book discussion last Saturday, Peter! (it's me FREDDA I was there and my first time to see you, nice to meet you. ^^)

if you name-dropped Ulysses, Dostoevsky, War and Peace, the book club members will backstab you. but Czar and I will have newfound respect in you, hahaha. Joke!

^^* see u again soon

aka said...

hi, peter! very funny post, and the comments, too!

sorry we won't see you this saturday. ako naman wala in october. kaines.

read about your bookshelf project. sige, i'll send you pics of our bookshelf. :)

Ceri said...

"Say that Twilight beats Harry Potter in all aspects." Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I love you for that.

That was a brilliant list.