Reading the diary of a call girl

I know I haven't posted a book review lately, which is ironic since my primary reason for starting this blog was to write book reviews. So today, I'm sort of reviewing one of the funniest books I've read recently: Secret Diary of a Call Girl by Anonymous. Regardless whether 100% of this memoir is true, the situations Anonymous finds herself in certainly makes for fascinating and hysterical reading. The sex scenes may be graphic, but the author's unpretentious treatment of them lends a certain freshness to the whole theme of the book.

In a way, I might consider this memoir part of the chick lit genre. Anonymous does get romantically involved with a couple of blokes. By the way, I'm giving this book away! Just read the details below on how to enter the contest.

Here are 10 things I've learned about call girls and the sex industry in general from reading the outrageously hilarious Secret Diary of a Call Girl by Anonymous:

1. If you have your own place, being a call girl can be a home-based job. Home invites are usually the privilege of repeat customers though.
2. Call girls hate small purses. The author mentions that she usually needs a large holdall to carry the essentials: phone, condoms, lube, and makeup. Other items include spare underwear and stockings, a spoon(?), and nipple clamps(!), ball gag(!!), and whip(!!!!!).
3. The modern-day madam (or pimp) is a highly competent webmaster. She's online most of the time.
4. It helps if you have a college degree. You may get customers who just want to talk. And some want to talk about intellectual stuff. Things that have nothing to do with real life such as literature and algebra.
   
5. Call girls are prepared to swing both ways and, sometimes, in many directions. They get customers who are men and women; sometimes they get hired by couples and groups too.
6. Call girls can buff your nails for free, especially if your chipped nails hurt their sensitive body parts.
7. A call girl who poses a picture of herself with her legs crossed hasn't waxed. One whose picture shows her wearing an evening wrap or fur has fat arms. And if she's wearing pigtails and has teenage clothing sense, she's most probably in her thirties.
8. Work schedules significantly differ from office jobs. They're busiest Friday nights and weekends. Mondays and Tuesdays are slow days.
   
9. They've captured the essential difference between good sex and bad sex. Good sex is when you get everything you want. Bad sex is when someone else gets everything he wants.
10. Men give a larger tip when you give them a massage. So it helps to carry a bottle of oil for this. But remember, oil is never acceptable as lube.

My first contest!

As I told you guys earlier, you can have this book for free! It doesn't matter whether you're in the Philippines or not -- I promise to send the book to you by courier. All you have to do is answer these questions about call girls, prostitutes, and courtesans:

1. Who is this Oscar-winning actress who played a teen prostitute in the 1976 movie by Martin Scorsese?
2. Before she was known as Sayuri in the novel Memoirs of a Geisha, what was the full name of the young girl who would grow up to become the most famous geisha of Gion?
3. Did Julia Roberts receive an Academy Award nomination for her role as a prostitute in Pretty Woman?
4. Which Seinfeld character is in Pretty Woman?
5. The character of Linda Ash appears in what movie?
6. Who is the author of The Crimson Petal and the White, a novel about a prostitute named Sugar?
7. Complete the title of this novel by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Memories of My Melancholy __________
8. The novel The Honest Courtesan is set in which Italian city?
9. Toni Morrison's novel The Bluest Eye feature how many prostitutes?
10. Who played the prostitute in the movie Leaving Las Vegas?
    

All you have to do is email your answers at peter.sandico@gmail.com. I'll raffle off the book to those who answered the questions correctly. The contest ends on Wednesday, 29 April. (Sorry, I had to revise the original question to the contest, as I found out that my mom has been reading my blog. Oh the humanity!)

Special mentions:

• Maan, if you win, I'll send the Borat book together with this one. Tell your friends!
  
• Gege, Blooey, and Honey, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to attend the FFP gathering. I promise to attend the next one. Hope you guys join the contest!