10 things to expect when reading Stephen King

1. There's gonna be weird sex. Consensual and otherwise. Of all shapes and sizes. And it'll all be in your face.
2. It's all about the character. A lot of people say that it's the plot. Yes, the plot is good, but King's characters are the ones that have you keep on turning the page.
3. Suspend your disbelief, starting at page 1. Possessed automobiles and laundry machines running down the street? Check. 
4. A good number of King's greatest protagonists are teachers and writers, two groups of people I can totally relate to. And also drunks.
5. His vampires give off the foulest stench. No sparkly vampires with impeccable fashion sense. King's vampires are, appropriately, bad asses.
6. It's impossible to read just one page. 
7. You'll be disappointed with most of the TV and movie adaptations. Kubrick's "The Shining" is quite good though, but it somehow deviates from most of the story lines in the novel. 
8. You'll get bigger biceps after finishing the novel. The Stand, Under the Dome, It, Tommyknockers, and 11/22/63 are at least 800 pages each. Try fitting all these novels in your bag.
9. Crazy, totally fucked-up endings. And monsters who are complete assholes. And indiscriminate violence.
10. Basically, a good old time.