This needs more kink

Okay, let's get a few things out of the way. Yes, the writing's bad. Yes, there are a few phrases that can boggle the imagination (e.g., Laters, baby.). Yes, I fell into the hype. With that being said, let's focus on other things about Fifty Shades of Grey, shall we?

There's Christian Grey. One word—hot. But this hotness has its caveat, for Christian has this Red Room of Pain. The RRP is where he unleashes all his carnal desires on women (all of them brunettes) in BDSM scenarios. He's also filthy rich. You can't get wrong with hot and rich, no?

There's Anastasia Steele. One word—bland. Well, she appears bland in the first few chapters but somehow finds her own spirit at the latter half of the book. I find it unbelievable that she finds herself not good looking. After all, two apparently hunky guys have the hots for her.

So these two engage in a contract, where Ana becomes Christian's submissive. All subs need to sign a non-disclosure agreement. That's romance for you! A good chunk of Fifty Shades of Grey is about Ana's negotiations with Christian. The BDSM newbie will learn a lot here. Safewords, soft and hard limits, vaginal fisting, whatnot.

It is this contract which I find problematic, something that steers the reader toward a disappointment. With all the funky details in the contract, I was expecting something more, well, graphic and intense. I love vanilla. But I would really like to read BDSM, especially if the reader has been primed for it. But E L James holds out on the kink. The scenes are not just too kinky enough.

I've been restraining myself from counting all the sex scenes in FSoG and then categorizing them as vanilla or BDSM. But a quick scan through the pages made me think that, for all its hype, the book is rather tame. Women, you don't need your tissues.

So that's my main beef against this book. I wanted my kink! I wanted to read about Ana being slapped, whipped, and poked with toys. I wanted scenarios where Ana will scream the safeword. I wanted Christian to be uninhinbited.

I had no issues with what kind of relationship these two are in. Goodness, they've entered into a 'legal' agreement! I don't get why people are calling Ana a disgrace to women. Ana's intelligent. She's an adult who knows what she's getting into. She has spunk. In a way, she's with the man of her deepest desires.

All in all, I did find Fifty Shades of Grey rather entertaining. And I do get the hype. If you're prepared to not take particular attention to the narrative, you'll definitely be entertained to. Let's face it—sex sells, no matter how badly it is written.

Read this book if:

1. You want to find out what all the fuss is about.
2. You love your vanilla, but you crave for rocky road sometimes.
3. You have no problems with "Laters, baby."