10 things that result from reading Shakespeare

With my books during the discussion of
'A Midsummer Night's Dream'
(Photo courtesy of R)

1. You feel the urge to speak in an English accent.
2. You become fond of rhymes. I like sour limes. I collect shiny dimes. I fart a hundred times.
3. You're afraid that your partner would flake out on you on your suicide pact and you'll just die alone.
4. You check yourself in the mirror often, just in case you turn into an ass.
5. You think you and your partner are star-crossed lovers. Even though you know that he or she sleeps around, pushes you down the stairs, puts pepper on your coffee, spreads vile rumors about how small your "assets" are, and just basically throws up whenever you're near. But yes, you're star-crossed; you've no doubts about it.
6. You head to the beauty salon to get a perm.
7. You suddenly want to cross-dress. Men in tights? That's so you.
8. You think that the circus needs a 'shrew tamer'.
9. You imagine Anne Hathaway, Shakespeare's wife, must have looked like Anne Hathaway.
10. You now know that Hamlet doesn't come from a baby pig.