Making whoopee in the animal kingdom

Sex is good. Every one should be having it. If done correctly -- if it lasts for more than 3 minutes -- it can be quite addicting. Of course, technically, you should be doing it only with members of your species -- males, females, transexuals, transgendereds, and what have you. Dendrophilia (dry humping on trees) isn't sex; you just can't expect the tree to achieve an orgasm just because someone is rubbing himself on its bark. Also, the assumption here is that you do it with living members of the species. Necrophilia is so not cool. No one should be doing it.

Now, if you think our sex lives and habits are totally amazing and worth writing about, you may be surprised to find out that our sexual behavior can be quite conservative compared with that in animal kingdom. We shouldn't really boast about how we can keep it up for 3 hours straight; that doesn't stand up to stick insects, which can do the dirty deed for 10 days straight. This fascinating info can be found in Olivia Judson's brilliant book, Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation.

This very interesting and engaging book is in the form of letters written by animals and sent to Dr. Tatiana, who posts replies that are very fun to read as much as they're truly informative. Judson's take on some of the peculiar sexual habits of selected animals are no-nonsense. You find yourself unconsciously nodding and laughing as you read. Who would've ever thought that some female insects can literally hop from one male to another, collecting sperm and then finally choosing the batch of insect male-juice that she likes?

There's just so many things to learn and ideas to take in when you read this book. Certainly, some of these can be conversational pieces the next time you attend a party and you find yourself in a group that discusses foreplay. Except among humans, foreplay is practically nonexistent in the animal kingdom. It's such a total waste of time and energy. It's either you want to boink someone or not, period. And what about the cuddling and the obligatory cigarette after sex? Bah! Some monkeys would just rather move on to their next mate than stay around and talk about when they'll be seeing each other again. It's the perfect NSA thing -- meet, mate, then meet and mate others. How European. (For the clueless and those who're pretending not to know, NSA means "no strings attached" or, umm, "never say ahloveyou.")

Insect sex (insex?)

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation debunks certain myths about sex. One of the prevailing ideas that Judson has issues with is the Bateman's principle -- "men are cads, women are saints." Judson finds this thinking wrong for several reasons. Certainly, this principle isn't worth its salt when scientists observe frogs that seem to copulate as if there were no tomorrow. A significant number of female animal species definitely stand a better chance of producing better offspring if they mate with several males of their species. Who says promiscuity is restricted to males? Definitely not some female rabbits who just can't seem to have enough " throbbing carrots" of male rabbits.

Judson does make references to our sexual habits as well. In primates, for instance, the bigger the balls of the male species are, the more promiscuous the females. It's biology pure and simple. If your females are particularly fond of the "bananas that stiffen upon contact," then you should make sure that you can deliver as much of your "banana cream." Compared with other primates, the balls of human males are just average. So, yes, human females are less promiscuous than other primates. The operative word here is "less."

Why you should read this book:

1. Olivia Judson is a hottie. She has a picture at the title page.
2. You're way too preoccupied with sex that you just have to read something about it.
3. You're not getting any.

What's happening to this bookstore?

In my ongoing/agonizing determination to not buy any book this Lenten season, I've consciously stayed away from bookstores. If ever I do venture into one, I make sure that I bring someone who would be willing to block my path to the cash register, so it's been a while since I last visited the PowerBooks branch in Greenbelt. (This isn't an easy feat considering that I pass by this store every day.)

PowerBooks isn't a happy place anymore to go to. The number of books have diminished. There's barely any new stock. The coffee shop is gone. There are only a handful of customers. The place just feels old and gloomy. I wasn't even challenged to buy anything since I've seen these books before, way way before. There's lots of empty spaces but not enough seats where you can conveniently browse the books. PowerBooks has now primarily become something it wasn't meant to be -- it has turned into just a meeting place. I recently observed a group of girls who were obviously waiting for someone. They were just standing near one of the shelves, texting and talking to one another. They didn't even bother to check the titles. Really a pathetic bunch.

I hope this trend somehow reverses itself. I have too many fond memories of PowerBooks just to see it wither away (like Alemar's). I still remember the anticipation I felt every time I went to their first branch at Pasay Road. Since it was a bit far from human traffic, the people who frequented it were really going there to buy, or at least browse, the books. I bought all my Ian McEwan novels from that branch. Then it transferred to Greenbelt 3, and, for a time, it was all good. People were buying their books, planners, and whatnot. The 2nd floor always had an event. I also met my soulmate in PowerBooks, and for that I will be forever grateful. (If this person had not decided to stay and while away the time reading because I was running very, very late, we would never have met.)

Perhaps it's just plain economics that's "killing" PowerBooks. People aren't silverfish; we can't live by eating our books. And it also doesn't help that there's a newly opened FullyBooked nearby. I hope PowerBooks stays for a few more years. I still have frequent buyer points I haven't redeemed yet. Hmmmm.... If I use these points to get myself a book, am I breaking my no-book-buying-for-40-days rule?

Shorts:

• Update: It's been 9 days since Ash Wednesday. Number of books bought: 0
• A bookstore decides to give away their books. Apparently, giving the books away is a lot cheaper than returning them to the suppliers.

A precious find

One of my most precious finds from bargain bookstores is this book by Collette, The Complete Claudine. The four novels in this collection are somewhat autobiographical. It's hard not to notice the autobiographical theme of these novels if you read the titles -- Claudine at School, Claudine in Paris, Claudine Married, and Claudine and Annie. I've only read the first novel, but I fell in love with Claudine already. She's French in every sense of the word and the novels are quite charming.

I bought The Complete Claudine at Booksale for a measly 20 pesos (about 50 US cents). Yes, the pages are almost brown, but it's a hardback, so it'll still last on my shelf. Also, it was published in 1976, which makes it almost my age.



On the other end of the spectrum, this is what I had for my afternoon snack today. That chocolate bar costs more than 10 times as much as the Collette book. Nevertheless, I found myself satisfied with both.

My take on the graphic novels

When I was growing up, my parents always warned me never to read comics. One of the most popular comics during my childhood years was Funny Komiks, and I recall one time my mother raised hell because she found one in the house. I didn't know who was reading it though; for all I know it was the neighbor's. Apparently, this negative attitude toward comics is common in Filipino middle-income households. Most parents believe that, if their kids read comics, then they would grow up to be idiots. Letting kids read comics is likened to getting them lobotomized. It would take a few years before I'd be comfortable reading the newspaper's comics section.

But let's qualify these comics, shall we? When I used to work for a local book publishing house, I learned that one of our authors, a Palanca winner and judge, used to write a serial for Liwayway. For those not in the know (or for those who pretend not to know), Liwayway is a comic book sold in street corners that feature romantic storylines. I wondered if the stories in these comic books have actual literary merit in them. I decided to find out for myself.

The Funny Komiks incident happened when I was 8. Little did I know that I will be 30 years old when I would be holding another comic book, which are now called graphic novels. I'm not counting the Gospel Comics that we were forced to read in grade school and high school. These were treated as "reference materials." Also, most of the stories in Gospel Comics are so unimaginative and prosaic. We didn't complain though, since the comic books spared us from an hour's lecture of Catholic dogma.

Anyway, a special someone would take it upon himself to give me a copy of Fables and Reflections, a graphic novel that's part of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series. When I got home to read it, I found myself unlearning some of my reading habits. As a speed reader, I've been accustomed to reading words in chunks. Reading the graphic novel, however, I had to consciously pause after reading the text on each page and admire the artworks. I must admit that some of the stories in that particular comic book are quite witty and brilliant, but I've always wondered if they'd have the same impact without the artworks.

Aside from my parents' views about comics, one of the reasons I wasn't too keen on picking up graphic novels before is that I somehow didn't trust the narrative skill of the authors. If they were good storytellers, then why do they need pictures? Now, after reading quite a few comic books, I realize that the artworks make the experience of reading graphic novels more meaningful. A good graphic novel makes the transition from reading the text to viewing the artworks seem effortless. I didn't really mind if the artworks are rendered in full color or just in plain line illustrations. In fact, one of the best books I read last year was a graphic novel by a French artist which had all the illustrations done in just simple lines without color.

When I read a Liwayway magazine two years ago, I felt sad that the magazine isn't that popular anymore. I guess people now prefer watching telenovelas every day to reading the wonderful stories in the magazine and waiting for next week's installment. I'm also feeling a bit on the losing end that I don't have fond memories of reading Funny Komiks as people my own age have.

Cnt w8 2 c ds "buks"

Crazy Japanese invention

Once again, we have more weird stuff coming from the Japanese. It's called keitai shosetsu, which refers to literary pieces written for mobile phones. Apparently, keitai shosetsu has become so popular in Japan that people are now calling it the next big thing in publishing. In 2007, 5 of the 10 bestselling novels were keitai shosetsu. Oh, and yes, the Japanese write these stories using the cellphones too. (If you think this is weird, just remember that the Japanese also came up with the solar-powered flashlight

Most of these novels are really love stories, which are adored by women in their teens and 20s. They're written in a serial form and usually take about 3 minutes to read, just enough time from one train stop to another. If you scoff at the idea, just think of Charles Dickens and your comics. Dickens's novels were actually published in installments and were just collated in the end and sold at bookstores. (I have never read Dickens, and I'm not totally sure what "dickensian" means.)

Similarly, Japanese publishers make big bucks publishing keitai shosetsu in mass market paperback. Judging from the popularity of keitai shosetsu, I think that young Japanese women will probably suffer from myopia or carpal tunnel syndrome. Still, if keitai shosetsu gets people to read, we may as well be open to this unique format. If only there was such a thing here in the Philippines, where almost all people who can read have cellphones. Let's just hope that the text doesn't appear like these:

"Y cnt I quit u?!"
"Luv mins nvr havng 2 say ur sori."
"M d king of d world!"
"2 b or nt 2 b. Dat s d qstion."

Shorts

• We're now 6 days in the Lenten season and I haven't bought any books so far. Woohoo! I am still the master of my domain. Just 34 agonizing days to go!
  

• All you Ian McEwan fans, you can now get his latest work For You at A Different Bookstore. For You, one his shorter works, is a libretto. Nevertheless, fans won't be disappointed. All the trademark McEwan tricks are here. And like any McEwan novel, novella, or short story, you know that something bad is going to happen.
  

• It seems that the book industry is not immune to the economic crisis as some people believe. Lonely Planet, the travel publisher, is cutting down 10% of its staff.
  

• And speaking of the economic crisis, it seems that sales of used books are up. If you're in the Makati mall areas, however, getting your hands on used books may be quite difficult. The only Booksale near Glorietta, the one in Goldcrest, has closed because of building renovation.
  

• Collections of letters sent and received by prominent novelists are publishing events in themselves. With today's generation of novelists relying more and more on emails for their correspondences, will publishing a collection of emails be a reality anytime soon? People think that this idea isn't so far-fetched. We can finally get to see what kind of spam Rushdie receives.
  

• Metacritic, my favorite site when I want to check out reviews of movies, TV shows, and music albums, used to have a section on books. That section mysteriously disappeared. (I'm guessing that it didn't have the critical traffic needed to survive.) Anyway, there's a new site called CultureCritic, which has a decent list of reviewed books.
  

• I'm still waiting for pictures of your bookshelves. I've already collected quite a few. I'm thinking of calling my collection "The Bookshelf Project." Hopefully, this will show the world that people like keeping (and occasionally reading) books.

March is finally here!

Bloody bookmarks from Gearfuse

March, my birth month, has finally arrived. It's the time of the year when my family and close friends ask, "So what book do you want for your birthday?" Notice that they don't ask me anymore if I would want any other useful thing besides books like, errr, socks, batteries, or butter. This year, my ultimate bitrhday wish is to have Roberto Bolano's 2666. But judging from the trickle that represents the new arrivals in bookstores, I doubt if 2666 would be in stores by March 17.

Anyway, contrary to what most people think, book lovers are the easiest people to give gifts to. No, you don't give them books, you give them something for their books. Giving books to booklovers is actually a terrible idea, as most of us receive books that we already have. Eric, a good friend, says that giving a book to a booklover is actually kind of insulting, since you're assuming that he hasn't read that particular book yet. I see his point, but still, a book is a book is a book. All my duplicate books are stored in a box, only to be opened come Christmas time when it's time to give these books away as presents.

The best presents a booklover can receive are bookmarks and bookplates. And if this person has this outdated habit of wrapping all his books in plastic, then add gauge 8 plastic cover as another option. Gauge 8, the thickest kind of plastic, is hard to come by; office supplies stores don't seem to keep enough stock. (I usually buy them in rolls of two or three meters.) The innovative bookmarks by Gearfuse comes in blood, milk, and mercury variants. I get the blood and appreciate how blood can get on the book. Milk and oil are kinda cute too, although I'm not too fond of cute. And whoever spills milk or mercury on their books? Now if they came in phlegm, puke, piss, semen, and shadoobie variants, that would really be very very interesting. Let's face it, the kind of liquids that get near our books are bodily fluids.

Shadoobie, from "Chelsea Lately"

• noun: a log usually with pieces of corn lodged in it
  
• verb: to meditate in extreme concentration with your pants down
• from the Latin shad meaning "chocolate" and oobie meaning "miscarriage"
  
• see also burrito